Letter from the Romney Hut
31st January 2010

Hello everybody,

A happy new year to you all.

Flying Tanks
The campaign by Birkhill Rodents Against Tanks (BRATS), has taken off and the area in question has been rendered impenetrable. Furthermore naebody can get in, with or without a tank. But the alarm has been raised by our colleagues in Bo'ness Back Yard, keeping their ears to the ground, ( very easy when you are a small rodent ) they have unearthed a cunning plot by the perpetrators, who wish to invade Birkhill with tanks. We have it from a usually reliable source that they are going to Parachute the tanks in, under cover of darkness. The Tactical Unit Focus Forum and the Executive Against Loud Lumbering YoYos, now known as REALLY TUFF, has organised a launch pad for Barrage Balloons. The first balloon drifted across above one of the flares at the Grangemouth Refinery and went up like a blue light. Yes a set back for BRATS and Really Tuff. But we are going use stronger string next time.

The Lootenant's breeks
When one enters the GSW van, which is used as a bothy in the Romney Hut, one does not expect to witness the Railway's Procurement Executive straddled across the 2kw heater. Furthermore, while so poised was arguing with the DB Schenker's Ambassador, that he was not going to take off his trousers and dry them in the microwave. Lootenant Lumsden was then obliged to reveal why it wisnae just his telephone that wiz wringing. It appears that when the thaw started in earnest, after a week or two without water because of the Sub Zero temperatures, there appeared to be surfeit of water, especially in Hamilton's cottage. It could be said that the Lootenant led the damage control team in stemming the flood in the aforementioned building. Because nobody knew where to turn the water off outside, George Lumsden rushed in, took the water by surprise and shut the valve under the wash hand basin. Now he was really wringing.

Mouse on the board
During our travels to France and back it was necessary to stop in London overnight, and we found excellent accommodation in one of the Livery Companies Halls, where some illustrious financial organisation was going to hold its Annual General Meeting. They say that when in London you are never more than 10 yards from a rat. That as maybe but there was no need to close the meeting and evacuate the building, ( as reported in the National Press ) just because Horace ran, well wobbled then, across the main platform to enter the kitchen. The cry was rat. Wrong, we are British Railway Rodents. Don't these people know the difference.

True Grit
It appears, if the newspaper report is to be believed, that the powers that be have initiated an in depth research, into the development of a pig that eats snow and defecates grit and salt in the correct proportions. This is to forestall further problems with the supply of the necessary material to scatter on the icy roads. It is a bit disappointing that no recognition was given to the work being done in the Railway at Bo'ness, about the development of a cat that runs along on top of the rails eats snow and leaves, while urinating anti freeze. If the cat is run over by Morayshire or 80105, we just fetch out another one.

Jumbos

You are all aware of the considerable contribution to the work at Bo'ness done by Mr John Leggat, leading driver and engineer, JAL to his colleagues, friends and associates. You will therefore imagine the state of aghast we were in when it was announced in the financial press, that JAL will be forced to sell 14 Boeing 747 jet aircraft. This announcement was quickly followed a few days later the JAL was in administration, when we all know he was in Perth that day. Where do you think he hid all those planes?

Bye for now,

Shaper Mouse

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